Keeping Passion Alive With A Newborn In The House

Today's guest post is written by Dr Debra Campbell-Tunks of The School of Love -

There are two pillars of happiness: One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.
George Vaillant


Everyone falls in love with a newborn, so it's important to remember the other person you’re in love with too when a baby arrives and (rightfully!) steals the limelight.

In a couple relationship, sex is important and there are many ways to stay connected despite the blur of tiredness, exhilaration and distraction that can accompany new parenthood. Parenthood is going to call on your creativity in so many ways and recalibrating desire and intimacy between you now that you’re parents is a positive part of that creative growth. Here’s a few passion-supporting thoughts that I hope you’ll find inspiring:

  1. Dispense with a ‘one-size-fits-all’ attitude to sex because passion and excitement thrive most on creativity and a bit of novelty. That means, don’t limit yourselves by thinking about sex as purely intercourse, as only happening at a particular time of day or night, or requiring certain circumstances – especially now circumstances have changed. Every touch can be flavoured with caring and acknowledgement of one another and help keep you feeling closer.

  2. Admiration and appreciation, compliments and gratitude are happy-making and sexy. They help both the giver and receiver feel good. Criticism, complaining, demanding, seeing the worst in things and judging each other are not sexy. Not even a little bit. They are turnoffs. Simple.

  3. You may have to schedule private time together, but make such times a priority even if they’re short. Complacency kills passion! Motivational author Tony Robbins wrote that if you want a relationship to stay great, it’s a good idea to keep behaving as you did at the start. What he’s getting at is that at the start of a relationship we know that there is no place for complacency – we have to make an effort to attract our partner and engage.

    Schedule a regular date as soon as you feel confident to have someone mind your baby for a short time. Protect your dates with your life and use those times to connect, to enjoy yourselves, not to talk about the bills.

  4. Sexually connected couples tend to each seek to live passionate lives that feed back that energy into their shared erotic worlds. They are open and eager to discover and explore new experiences in life even in the everyday things. They make an effort to return to favourite experiences in new ways creating shared rituals that celebrate their love story and help them to re-live the best and most beautiful times.

Passionate engagement in life and with each other creates an exciting vibrant connection and shared adventures however small, are food for body, mind and soul. Creating family is a massive adventure, keep hold of one another as you find your way, stumble together, summit hand in hand. I wish you love.

Dr Deb x


Psychologist Dr Debra Campbell-Tunks is Director of The School of Love which offers resources including an e-course for creating the relationship you most deeply desire. You can download a copy of Debra's e-book Hot Devotion at