Breastfeeding hormones can reduce your libido and cause dryness which makes the thought of having sex quite unappealing. Plus the stress of motherhood, constant interruptions and lack of sleep can delay things for quite some time. I’ve talked to some mothers who waited for 2 years to have sex again after having a baby.
But on the other hand I’ve spoken to women who feel very sensual and orgasmic after childbirth. Increased respect for your powerful body and increased sensitivity can lead to an improved sex life!
But if you are feeling like your sex life is a thing of the past here are a few ideas to inspire you.
1. Get Healthy
Postnatal depletion is a real thing! Spend your first forty days after birth resting and healing. Eat well. Sleep as much as you can. Have massages.
In most cultures, sex is prohibited during this time, although you can safely have sex again as soon you stop bleeding and your wounds are healed.
Once you are up and about get your body working smoothly with physio or chiro. Hip alignment, pelvic floor weakness and back pain can all interfere with your sex drive and ability to orgasm.
Work on your mental health too. If you have experienced birth trauma get appropriate therapy to help you reconnect with your body and desires. Make sure you feel in control of your body and your choices and that your partner understands your fears and needs.
2. Hand Over Responsibility
Many mothers feel fatigued by the logistics of running a household. It can be difficult to keep everyone's needs satisfied let alone remembering everyone's desires! If your partner wants sex delegate the responsibility to him (or her!). Many mothers still want to have sex but just don’t have the energy to think about it. If your partner can take on some more housework or childcare, plus taking responsibility for creating the time and space for intimacy it can help a lot.
3. Don’t Have Sex
It’s totally ok if you aren’t up for it just yet. If you want to you can keep the intimacy alive in your relationship with other forms of connection like kissing, cuddling and massage. It’s very normal to have a low sexual desire after having a baby, it’s part natural family planning! Wait as long as you like.
But in the meantime keep talking to your partner about how you are feeling and what you need from each other. Don’t let sex grow into a big awkward topic that you both tiptoe around.
4. Spend Time Together Without The Kids
If you have grandparents or babysitters or friends who you can leave the kids with, go and have a night out as often as you can! Try and do some of the fun things you used to do together before you had kids. Get to know each other again. Celebrate what you've created together.
5. Marriage Counselling
Whether things are really rocky or you are doing more maintenance or preventative work, marriage counselling is always a great idea. Over 80% of couples experience a moderate to severe crisis in the transition to parenthood.